Surrendering to Spirit: Learning to Let Go and Trust the Journey

Why Releasing Control is the Key to Connecting with Abundance and Inner Peace

I’m standing at the edge of who I was and who I’m being called to become, caught between fear and faith. My dark night of the soul has demanded deep trust in Spirit, yet letting go still feels like a leap into the unknown.

Since quitting my corporate job back in 2017, I’ve had an interesting relationship with “work”.

I was out on leave for four months following a surgery that led to what I then called a mental breakdown. It was the intense wake up call I needed to give me to leave my soul-sucking job. I learned that no amount of money is worth sacrificing my well-being and promised to never do so again. But that experience left me with a deep-seated fear of work and responsibility, terrified it would send me back into the darkness. For nearly seven years, I haven’t worked more than 25 hours a week.

The lesson from that experience—what I now recognize as one of my dark night’s of the soul—was that I need to do purposeful work. My way of making money must align with my values. Otherwise, I feel out of integrity with myself, which is it’s own form of death.

I recently had a call with a spiritual advisor. I wasn’t 100% sure why I even scheduled it. I didn’t have specific questions, but I felt a calling to connect. As we spoke, I shared about the clarity I’ve found in starting my blog. Then he asked me the dreaded question I’ve been avoiding since stepping back from my coaching business: “How are you going to support yourself while you build community?”

I relayed my protests of “just getting a job” to him, saying, “I can’t do work that doesn’t light me up. If I do, I’m afraid it will take me back into a deep depression”. I felt deeply seen and supported when he responded with, “Of course, you shouldn’t. So what can you do that’s aligned?” I laughed out loud in surprise at the instant answer I received.

“Yoga is what came though”, I responded. I’d never truly considered this to be a way to make money.

I attended a yoga teacher training in Guatemala in 2019. I was going for the experience, to challenge myself, to connect to tradition and discipline. At the time, COVID-19 was already spreading in China, but I didn’t let that stop me. However, as the virus spread west and worldwide fear set in, the U.S. government warned that if we didn’t return home, we could end up stranded. I was in a long-term relationship, so while the idea of being “trapped” in Guatemala during a global pandemic had its romantic appeal, I couldn’t imagine never seeing my partner again. Two days shy of completing my training, I went on a wild return to the States (definitely one of my best travel stories—get it in your inbox).

Despite the clear intuitive hit to support myself through yoga, doubts quickly followed.

My ego began telling me I wasn’t good enough—that I needed to finish my certification; even though I taught yoga classes while living in Mexico for a year. I could have completed my training my sending in a video of me teaching a class, but because I was doing it for the experience, I opted to be able to repeat the entire training whenever the world opened back up, which I never did. I reached out to the owner of my training to see if there was something I could to do get my certification without repeating the training.

The very next day, something wild happened.

An architect I know in Mexico, who built a wellness resort in Sayulita, reached out to ask if I was still living in Puerto Vallarta. When I told him I wasn’t, he asked when I was coming back. I jokingly replied, “I’m not… unless you need a yoga instructor and meditation guide.” He responded, “Yes, we do!”. I hadn’t spoken to this friend in months. I don’t believe in coincidences, I laughed to myself at the insanity of the synchronicity—but the idea of moving back to Mexico didn’t sit well with me. My hormones and gut health had gotten seriously our of whack while I was living there. I thought, “If I’m meant to do this, I’m going to ask for everything I need to feel comfortable with the arrangement. If it’s meant to be, it will work out.”

I’ll be honest, part of me felt like my demands were outrageous, but I wasn’t going to compromise. This new version of me knows her needs and it’s afraid to ask for them.

I’ve spent years trying to operate in a neurotypical world, forcing myself to fit a mold that doesn’t work for me. When I worked in corporate, I had a “cry room” because I often got overwhelmed by difficult calls or small triggers. I would eat lunch by a tree, alone, to feel calmer. Reading a Policies & Procedures document is like reading a foreign language without a visual. I need to be shown how to do things AND have the instructions written down. It’s taken years to learn my “limits” as a neurodivergent person, and only recently have I began to accepted these aspects of myself and honored them.

Every potential problem I presented, he had a solution for. Every request I made, he was willing to fulfill. With my needs met, I surrendered to God, saying, “Ok, I guess I’m moving back to Mexico! I’m trusting where you’re leading me.”

When we let go and trust, magic happens. I can’t fully imagine what this opportunity will bring—but I have a good feeling! I gives me the opportunity to share my gifts on a larger scale, to step into a leadership role by helping host retreats, to be by the water which fills my soul, to have time to write my blog and build community, and who knows, maybe I’ll find my King along the way.

One thing I know for sure is that leaning into love instead of fear will deepen my connection with Source and with myself. It’s time I allow myself light to fully shine.

Too many times, I’ve made decisions from a place of lack, ignoring my true needs out of fear that if I let an opportunity pass, I’d be left with nothing. This has led me into unfulfilling relationships, homes I felt uncomfortable in, and jobs that left me resentful. Most recently was the job I got in Austin through Trusted HouseSitters While I’ve loved getting to travel, stay in nice homes, and snuggle with people’s pets utilizing TH, I knew this gig was more than I wanted to do in exchange for two and a half months of free rent, but I ignored my intuition.

My intuition is ALWAYS right! If you read my first post, you know this didn’t end well. But pushing to find solutions has given me a false sense of safety for a long time.

In A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson, she describes surrender in a beautiful way that is helping me loosen my reigns of control:

“ ‘God’ means love, and ‘will’ means thought. God’s will, then, is loving thought. If God is the source of all good, then the love within us is the source of all good. When we love, we are automatically placing ourselves within an attitudinal and behavioral context that leads to an unfoldment of events at the highest level of good for everyone involved... Our only job in every situation is to merely let go of our resistance to love.”

I believe they had it right in Donnie Darko—the opposite of love is fear. When I try to control, I’m operating out of fear. When I let go and trust, my heart feels expansive. Every time I’ve approached the question of how to support myself financially over the years, I’ve done so from a place of fear and lack. When I voiced my concerns about compromising my values to my spiritual advisor and he asked me what I could do, the question left no space for fear because I stated my intention. The answer arose from a connection to my heart’s desire to be of service thrhough purposeful work.

Now comes the trust. I’ve been in an ebb and flow of trusting Creator for most of my life, but this new version of me fully surrenders, knowing that everything happens perfectly in God’s Divine timing.

My ego still tries to create separation between myself and God, bringing up doubt, scarcity, and control. I used to tell my clients, “Look at the facts.” So, I’m taking my own advice. The facts are: the idea of teaching yoga was an intuitive hit, it wasn’t even on my radar, and within a day, I received an offer to teach yoga and help host retreats—something I’ve dreamed of for years. It’s also giving me the chance to offer personalized meditations in a sacred space, something I wanted to do in Mexico before but held back on due to practical challenges.

When it comes to your dreams, if something feels drenched in fear, it’s either not meant for you, or it’s your ego trying to hold you back. If you are using your mind to determine the best solution, it’s definitely your ego at play. But if you tune into a problem or an idea in your heart and you feel a sense of expansion, that’s the truth—that’s love—that’s God.

That’s what you can trust. Does this mean worries won’t come up? They probably will, but anxiety and excitement feel the same in the body. Which one do you want to claim as your reality? So when you know you’ve received an answer from God, let go, trust, and lean into excitement over fear. Trust that God’s got you. Get quiet, ask for guidance, listen, journal, take aligned actions as they present themselves, and trust that miracles will follow.

I’m saying all of this as a reminder to myself, too. The old version of me—who lived in doubt, scarcity, worry, and control—still needs to hear this. Did you? I’d love to hear from you in the comments! I will leave you with a prayer for surrendering, also from A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson:

“Dear God, my desire, my priority is inner peace. I want the experience of love. I don’t know what would bring that to me. I leave the results of this situation in your hands, I trust your will. May your will be done. Amen.”

Love & Light,

Becca