Breaking Free from the Illusion of ‘Not Enough’: A Journey Back to Self-Love and Divine Purpose

How 15 Years of Inner Work Led Me to Finally See My Worth

The belief of not being enough runs deep in all of us, like a broken record playing in the background, quietly dictating our choices, our emotions, and our view of ourselves.

For years, I measured my life against others, feeling as if I had to justify my choices to live differently. Since leaving my corporate job in 2017, my parents have supported me financially off and on. That support, while deeply appreciated, came with an undercurrent of shame. I convinced myself that I would only be worthy of their help if I could prove my success through financial stability.

But today, something shifted.

I stumbled across a video, and as I listened, I felt something click—not in a way that I had to force myself to believe, but in a way that resonated deep within my being. These thoughts had been swirling in my mind for months—probably years—but today, they landed differently. It was a felt sense, a knowing, not a mental construct I was trying to convince myself of.

I have spent the last 15 years devoted to personal and spiritual growth. It has been my life’s work. Yet, I still allowed Western society’s definition of success to dictate my self-worth. The narrative of “I’m not doing enough” or “I should be further along” had kept me bound.

But as I floated in my brother’s pool, headphones on, watching the clouds drift by, the realization hit me:

“I am doing an amazing job. I am exactly where I’m meant to be.”

Embracing the Value of a Different Life

Society does not celebrate the things I value: slowness, self-reflection, spiritual growth, personal development, and the art of simply being. But I have spent my life actively choosing these things ever since I stopped drinking when I was 23. I have sought out deep inner work like it was my full-time job—because, in many ways, it has been.

And the work is paying off.

For the first time, I can feel it.

I am no longer chasing external validation. I am dissolving the illusion of not enough and aligning fully with my heart, with God, and with my true purpose—to be an alchemist of love.

Where this path will lead, I don’t know. But for the first time, I am okay with the unknown.

The Lessons That Brought Me Here

Looking back, every experience, every challenge, every heartbreak led me to this moment.

I’ve worn many hats in my journey—sponsoring women struggling with addiction, creating a Facebook community for self-love, coaching women on finding divine union and learning to know and trust themselves—but through it all, there was still more personal work to be done.

I had all the knowledge, yet much of it wasn’t fully embodied.

This past year especially has been a whirlwind of transformation.

• I left a relationship after discovering my boyfriend was on dating apps.

• I dated a man short-term who showed me just how much healing I had done in relationships.

• I faced illness after illness, each one revealing deeper truths about myself.

• I released my dream of building a life in Mexico.

• I shifted my coaching business to a membership model—only to be thrust into a dark night of the soul, questioning the entire coaching industry and stepping back from coaching entirely.

• I spent two months in self-imposed isolation, barely leaving the house except for long walks with a dog I was pet-sitting.

• I attended a meditation retreat that shifted me on a soul level.

• I had a brutal fight with my mom that led to a blackout-drunk spiral. A scary scenario since I was a heavy drinker when I was younger and spent six years sober, unpacking the trauma that led me to numb out so I could deal with life in a healthier manner. Read about that spiral here.

• I experienced the most painful words she has ever spoken to me: “Have you ever thought that maybe you’re just hard to love?” The full story behind her hurtful words.

Those words shattered me. They triggered every wound of unworthiness, sending me into a desperate search for escape.

I accepted a yoga instructor position at an eco-wellness resort, believing it was divine guidance—only to ignore my intuition that the owner was interested in me being more than just the yoga teacher. Three weeks in, my fears were confirmed when he blatantly hit on me. That plan, too, fell apart. A packed up quickly and left Mexico a few days later.

When Everything Fell Apart, I Surrendered

I had nowhere to go. I couldn’t return to my parents’ house. So, I found a pet-sitting job in Charleston, seeking solace by the ocean.

Then Hurricane Helene hit.

I returned to North Carolina only to find my home base devastated. The grief was palpable. And with that external devastation, my internal dam finally broke, releasing the grief I had been suppressing—grief over my mother’s words, over shattered dreams, over the countless moments that hadn’t gone as planned.

I needed another escape.

I flew to Colorado to help my best friend post-surgery and to meet a man I had connected with virtually while in Mexico. Within a day, I knew I couldn’t move in with my best friend—I love her to death, but we lead very different lives. Another dream collapsed.

And the man? The one who had seemed so deeply aligned with me? In person, his energy felt completely different. There was no connection. Another hope lost.

So, I did the only thing I could think of.

I flew to Cape Town, South Africa—to my brother, my protector.

I thought this trip would be a chance to explore whether I could live there, to immerse myself in a new environment. Instead, I hardly left the house.

And for the first time since my dark night of the soul, I let myself just be.

I didn’t have to protect myself. I didn’t have to prove anything. I didn’t have to force movement. I allowed myself to melt into the safety of my brother’s home.

It wasn’t what I had planned, but it was exactly what I needed.

The Ultimate Realization: I Am Free

Of course, I had to go through a few final lessons—using men to distract myself (again), catching myself in old patterns—but even those were divinely orchestrated.

Every heartbreak, every breakdown, every false start—it all brought me here.

Back to myself.
Back to trust.
Back to surrender.
Back to LOVE (God).

And as I floated in my brother’s pool today, listening to that video, I felt it—deep, unwavering, unshakable:

🔹 I have had it right all along.
🔹 The deep work is what truly matters.
🔹 I am a deeply spiritual person, and I always have been.
🔹 I am walking the right path.

From this place, I know I am embodying self-love, Christ Consciousness, and divine purpose. And from this place, I will make a difference in the world—not by proving my worth, but by helping others discover their own.

This is the work I came here to do.

And for the first time, I know—I am enough.

💡 This is the video that sparked my realization

If you’ve ever struggled with feeling like you’re not enough, questioned whether all your inner work was actually making a difference, or felt lost in the uncertainty of your path—know that I’ve been there.

It’s easy to believe we need to do more to prove our worth, but the truth is, your journey is unfolding exactly as it’s meant to. Every challenge, every heartbreak, every moment of doubt is leading you somewhere deeper, somewhere sacred.

💖 You are not alone. 💖

Love Always,

Becca