As I’m integrating what it is to be a highly sensitive person (HSP), I’m now consciously understanding how my deep emotional responses and perceptions can often lead to misunderstandings in my relationships.
When someone responds with, “That’s not what I said” or, “That’s not what I meant.”, I’m not just hearing the words they’re speaking; I’m feeling their underlying—possibly subconscious—thoughts or feelings. I wasn’t taught that this is a gift, but rather that it meant I was “too sensitive.” This belief made me think something was wrong with me for most of my life.
After a lifetime of being told that my perception was not reality, I still question if what I’m sensing is true or if I’m blowing things out of proportion.
At times, I know without question that I feel unspoken emotions like frustration, annoyance, or anger. But then I wonder if I’m feeling other people’s emotions amplified. I realize that every time I’ve shouted at my dad to stop yelling and he says he’s not—his voice is definitely raised—but it affects me more deeply. I sense the elevation in his tone, the tension in the air, my dad’s frustration, and my mom’s upset. As soon as I hear an argument begin, I can feel it like a volt of electricity through my body—my palms start sweating, my heart races, and I feel like I’m going to burst out of my skin if I don’t say something. I will go into “fight” mode, feeling the need to protect. Then everything explodes
I forget to recognize that whatever “negative” emotion I’m picking up on, there’s an even more painful emotion behind it that I can hold compassion for. For the most part, my big reactions only show up with my family and partners—or people acting out of hate in the world. For now, I’m going to focusing on those closer to home, especially myself.
How do I take responsibility while still honoring myself to shift the dynamics in my interactions with those I’m closest to?
I can pause before reacting and remind myself that what I’m picking up on maybe a subconscious emotion or thought they’re experiencing, so I can’t expect them to recognize it or take accountability for it any better than I could ask them to understand me blowing up in reaction to them denying my experience. I can hold compassion for myself, that I may be feeling their emotions amplified and/or that they aren’t consciously aware of underlying thoughts or emotions. I can seek to understand with kindness and compassion. Through this lens, I can validate myself, see them with love, and let it go—or at least, have a conversation from my “adult self” rather than my inner child, who gets so triggered when she feels like her reality is being denied.
Most importantly, I need to recognize that under the surface, for both of us, there are years of patterning, traumas, and our own false belief systems operating. I’ve spent years in therapy trying to change how I react in some of these relationships and it still happens. What I have done far less often than trying to control things, is surrendering and giving it to God. Source can light up our hearts with love, help us truly see one another, and give us a shift in perception. So, lastly, and most importantly, I can pray. I can turn my prayers into a mantra to repeat whenever needed.
Managing Emotions that Trigger My Nervous System:
Pause
Notice Emotions (mine & theirs)
Tell them how I perceive what they’re saying, and ask for clarification
Hold Compassion (for myself & them)
Validate myself (& them if needed)
Say a prayer for Holy Spirit to enter the interaction and give us a shift in perception
Shielding is a great way to protect ourselves ahead of time if we know a difficult conversation is coming. This can be done with visuals such as an orb of light around you, imagining yourself as flubber, where everything bounces off of you, having an army of guards around you, etc.
Usually, the fights that take me off guard rattle me the most. If I forget to protect myself, grounding after really helps me “clear” the energy. Getting into nature if I can, walking barefoot on the earth, and my favorite, laying on the ground. I feel calm again, like I can breathe, safe. If an arguement was really bad. I go camping for a few days. Just me and God.
If you’ve felt overwhelmed by emotions, if you’ve been made to feel you are “too much”, if you’ve felt like you’re the problem. You are not alone.
Love Always,
Becca